Rick: Yeah, I need you to shut the hell up, maybe. Rick: Why don’t I just bring a bunch of guns? Those seemed to work just fine against the chainsaw guy last time. Rick: And how are you going to get there if I don’t take you, smarty-face? What, are you planning to go grab a coffee and then hail a cab? Rick: Helloooooo? Didn’t you hear what I just said, you big dink? At the end of the first game, the house BURNED TO THE GROUND! Rick: Yeah? From what? Are we going to save her ashes from being used in a litter box somewhere? I really was… that is, until I saw Jennifer plunge into a giant demon vagina during the opening of the game. Rick: You stupid mask! Jennifer is already dead! She died in the first game when the house burned to the ground! You know what? I was going to stay away from sex jokes on this one. So I’m going to redo it a little bit for you, our loyal SEGA Nerds readers, and fill in the gaps for Rick…

When you watch the opening sequence before the title screen, the dialogue seems very one-sided. There is still something about Splatterhouse 2 that sits oddly with me right from the get-go, though. My personal experience with the Splatterhouse series went like this: Splatterhouse (TG-16 version), Splatterhouse 3, and finally Splatterhouse 2, so it was the last game in the original series that I played. Why? Because braining demons with blunt objects and watching their unholy essence spray from their freshly cracked skulls is good ol’ family fun. Of all the games I’ve owned, sold, repurchased, etc., over the years, I’ve never sold any of my original Splatterhouse games.

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